I never thought I’d actually hear someone say to me, “me love you long time.” Such a phrase has all the hallmarks of a Hollywood stereotype or the punch line in a comedian’s joke about Asian sex. Surely this phrase of overt seduction is a traveler’s old-wives’ tale. Kind of like, if you go to a Norse country and you have dark hair and a darker complexion, all the women—bored to tears with the homogeneous fair coloring of their men—will throw themselves at you. But leave it to Bangkok—city of shanty towns, high-rises, Buddhist temples, coconut curry, and, of course, go-go bars and hookers—to prove some stereotypes are alive and kicking.

It was Monday night. My friend and I we roaming the streets of Bangkok in search of a legend: the flying motorcycle sex show. Not that we are perverts, heck, we could think of about a thousand things we would rather do than go to a strip club—but a flying motorcycle sex show? Even the most prude people would have a hard time passing up such a novelty. Our search took hours, taking us meandering through the stands of imitation Diesel and North Face that crowd the streets and sidewalks. Between the vendors are strip clubs. Outside each one is a man who tries to coax potential customers by flashing a card with a list of all the “events” that take place inside. We must have looked at thirty clubs and thirty cards before we found the one with those four words we had been searching for: flying motorcycle sex show.

Inside Club Supergirl we were met with a sensory overload of JapPop, laser lights, and Chinese businessmen with girls strewn across their laps. We sat down, ordered a drink (making sure to ask for it in an unopened can—you can never be too careful), and watched the show. The girl on stage was performing an act that involved neither flying nor a motorcycle (it did, however, involve a cigar and some flowers).

Since this is Thailand and sex is big money, in seconds we each had a girl soliciting us. The first words out of each of their mouths:

“me love you long time.”

As it turns out, we never did get to see the flying motorcycle sex show. I inquired about it and was told that the male performer was on holiday. When the underage solicitor next to me saw my disappointment, she tried to make amends by rubbing my arm and asking me to perform in the flying motorcycle sex show with her. I took one look at the old Suzuki chained to the ceiling and one look at my friend, who was trying his hardest to keep from laughing. Despite her pleading we got up and left. It just goes to show that for a smile, a few dollars, and a fearless attitude toward V.D., a little piece of Thailand can be yours, sometimes it can even be at great heights.

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