ARRIVALS
When I arrive in a new country, I’m tired, excited and intrigued for what I will see, eat and experience, but first, I have the inevitable rip off. How much will the taxi, bus or other airport transport ask to take me into the city? I try in vain to use all my negotiation skills to get a fair deal, but I have no idea what the standard rate is, so as I have discovered in countless cities around the world, I always get ripped off. Most scams always start with the obligatory conversation:
Local: “Hello, where you from?” [ie. “How much money do you have?.” Eyes popping with interest].
Tourist: “USA.”
Local: “Ahhh, USA. America" [ie. “$$$ Cha-ching $$$, My lucky day.” Eyes become dollar signs] “Go Yankees, Michael Jordan. Bush - blahhh.” [ie. “Oooh, I see your expensive camera, of course you will buy my items at three times the price.” Mouth watering.]

There are always three prices: Local, Israeli and Tourist. The local price is the ultimate dream to be charged. We always feel we’ve conquered a country the day we get charged the local rate. Israelis can always get a cheaper price then any tourist. They use what I call the “Intimidation Tactic.” A pack of Israelis (greater than 20) descend upon an unsuspecting shop keeper. Anyone would fold under the pressure. Once they do get their price they post a sign in the window for the benefit of future travelers...well, Hebrew speaking travelers. For the rest of us plebs we get the tourist rates. I do consider myself to be a strong negotiator and despite my best plays and tactics I still end up paying the “tourist” price – defined as three times the locals.

YOU WANT ME TO PAY WHAT? 
I have been ripped off and scammed in nearly every country I have traveled. As a result my partner and I have developed a few tools to help you get a better deal or at least salvage some dignity when you are being scammed. These are your anti-rip off rules:
Rule #1 – Laugh
As soon as you hear the price on offer laugh as if the price is the funniest thing you have heard. Finish with your best “stop fucking with me” game face.

Rule #2 – Walk away
If your negotiations are going nowhere then just start to walk away with the “screw you, I’ve had enough” attitude. They always follow and offer a better price.

Rule #3 – Small bill, big bill
This rule will always piss off your antagonist. Most locals don’t carry much change. They bank on the tourist giving in the few extra cents when they can’t make change for your bill. Play their game on them and only offer two bills – one lower then the agreed price and one much, much higher. Your antagonist is left with two shitty choices – seek out change for the large bill or grudgingly, take the lower amount. They usually go with the later.

Rule #4 – Give some attitude
I usually use this tactic when I am getting close to my price, but am not quite there. Look at the product and start to criticize it. “This product is not very good quality. Look at this stitching.” Your antagonist will be scrambling to make sure they don’t loose your sale.

Rule #5 – Travel with an Israeli
Just give up. Israelis will always get a better price then you.

What I’ve come to realize with my time on the road is that I am just a walking dollar sign. Varanasi, India, the holy city, has droves of holy men hunting down tourists. They are easy to spot dressed up (or rather undressed) in red pants, no shirt, long scruffy outrageous dreadlocked and tangled hair, and color line markings on their body. The holy men seek out Western tourists with their Okra colored fingers. They are looking to give ‘blessings’ by painting a dot on the unsuspecting tourist’s forehead. The catch is that the blessing comes at a price. Not only do you get to look ridiculous with a bright dot smudged on your forehead, but you get to pay for the indignity of it.

Where we go wrong as tourists is that we are all suckers for the local kitsch and always pay out for it. Across the Andes there is a plague of Peňa bands tooting piped versions of “Sound of Silence” and “Imagine.” They’ve learned that tourists will always pay for their performances even if they make us feel like we are stuck in an elevator. In New York (the city of dreams/nightmares) attracts all types of performers, which you can see the best and the worst of, on the subways. One day, this waif lady filled my car with screeching lines from a poem. Her voice was so painful that people were experiencing physical pain from the sound. The woman next to me wanted her to stop so badly that she gave her a dollar thinking she would go to the next subway car. As a ‘thank you’ she serenaded the woman with an up-close performance. Doesn’t the saying go, “there’s a sucker, born every minute.” I guess people bank on you being their next victim.

GREAT SCAMS
India – India is already known to be the worst place for food poisoning – everyone gets sick. However, in Agra, the home of the wondrous Taj Mahal, there were locals running a food poisoning scam that involved the restaurants, tuck tuck drivers and doctors. The restaurant would purposely poison a tourist and when they weren’t feeling great a tuck tuck driver appeared to take the tourist to a doctor to be “treated.” The doctor would keep the tourist sick for days through a drip all the while charging huge amounts to their travel insurance. With memories fresh in my head of two day puking in hospital in Peru, all I could manage to eat in Agra was some rice.

Guatemala – On the coast in Guatemala two backpacker friends of ours arrived at this port town. They were on their way to an island just off the coast that can only be reached by ferry. However, after such a long journey they were exhausted and happy to settle down at the local hostel for the night. Their taxi driver had a different idea. He kept pushing them to take the afternoon ferry. Their guide book had not mentioned this afternoon ferry, but that would get them to the island a night early. In the end they decided that they were too exhausted to push. No, they insisted that the hostel was their destination. The grumpy persistent taxi driver finally gave in and dropped them off at the hostel. While chatting with the guy at the front desk they found out that the taxi drivers were running a local scam. There was no afternoon ferry and the terminal was about 25 minutes from the town by car. The taxis take the unsuspecting tourists out there and when they find out that there is no ferry, the taxi driver charges double to take them back into town. As there is literally nothing out there, you either pay double price or be left stranded with all your gear on the side of the road.

Germany – I was just back in Berlin for a bit of World Cup action. As I hadn’t been in the city in 10 years, I was amazed to see all the changes. We walked down the main road from the Brandenburg Gate through formally East Berlin. Along the route there was a crowd gathered on the street where a crap shoot game was running on the ground. I stopped to watch and was immediate transported back 10 years earlier. There are three shells and a coin. You have to guess which shell the coin is under while the guy running the game is moving the shells around. So there you are watching thinking your pretty smart because you know where the coin’s gone. Then a tourist next to you starts cheering you on – ‘oh, this looks simple. You know where it is. Tell him.’ Then another tourist steps in to place a bet and well, since you have been closely watching the movement you don’t want to loose out (nor does the guy cheering you on) so you step in and place your bet. You take your guess and so does that other tourist and ‘whah-la’ the other tourist wins the loot. As we discovered later this cheering guy and this other tourist are all in on the action. Last time we watched our mate get sucked into the game and loose his money. But really the real sucker was our other mate. He watched it all transpire and then decided that he knew how to beat it and proceeded to get sucked into the game and loose his money. Listen, mate, no matter what even 10 years later, you are not going to win!

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